Loving Yourself 101: Mind Control and Promises

I think the biggest part about regaining your life is to stop being mad at yourself for allowing words to control your life. When we are hurt it doesn't add up. It makes no since to us we know what they said, we constantly remember what they promised but don't get why they didn't make due. For the life of me I couldn't understand it but I had to remind my self that words are nothing without actions and consistency. You must have both its not enough to say your going to do something but you have to show me and you have to continue showing me. Each individual is different and you have to be paired to a mate that wants to match your needs and desires. I learned that people lie all the time some with good intentions and others are just weak and would rather lose you then do what it takes to keep you while some just don't care they use you and leave. Get back to the basics of yourself remembering your worth and that your not perfect. However that doesn't mean that you don't deserve the best from your partner. Learn from everything you have been through respect yourself enough not to be second to anyone who you place first in your life. The same thing goes for friendships stop giving them your all and they don't do the same for you. I wish I could give you a time frame for how long it will hurt and when you'll start to feel better but it doesn't work that way. We all grow differently and let go at our own pace just don't hold on tight to someone who thought you were an option in the first place.

Loving Yourself 101: Why I chose Celibacy

I chose to give up sex after my last relationship. In the beginning it was because I figured my ex was coming back at least that's what we discussed that we still had a future and I had no desire to give my body or my love to anyone else. Yes I talk of my ex quite often but that is the struggle I had to deal with so I will bring it up. I waited because what I thought we had was worth waiting for. That was until I discovered my ex wasn't waiting and it broke me completely. I had to come to realization of life you never wait for anyone! If that person is the one for you then GOD will make you two cross paths again when he is ready. So why did I continue to wait? Why has it been over a year since I last had sex? Its simply because: I wanted more, more from God more from life, and I never planned to have more than one sex partner in life anyway. My body is my temple and I cant just let anyone enter it. Allowing anyone around me in my broken state would have been the wrong thing to do. I wasn't up for that feeling of emptiness after sex with someone I wasn't in love with, or saw no future with. At first I asked myself should I go buy a necklace, bracelet, or a ring. To me it all sounded cliché my goal wasn't to be like everyone else it was to be the best version of me. It took me a while but I chose a ring. A ring because in a marriage a ring represents the unbreakable bond between husband and wife. I wanted a bond as well, one that said I'd rather wait on God instead, love that I know exist but can only flourish when two signs are aligned by god. I have no idea when God will bring me my mate, but I do know he knows my heart and that my goal is to do his work first and everything else will fall in order. Where I am in life is scary I'm single for the first time but I am also thankful that I am free of STD's and I will stay that way. I am not perfect by far I never will be, but I want more for me and from the next partner God gives me in life. Celibacy is about respecting myself and God so much that no fleshly desire will ever take me from my path again.

Loving Yourself 101! Is Time the Enemy?

Time apart from anything can be the most devastating thing we hear when we love it so much. However is time the enemy? When it comes to relationships or our thoughts... I was once told what is meant to be will be... I couldn't understand it at the time I hated it at the time! Time without the love of my life was just as bad as my diagnosis to me. I didn't want it to be over I wanted my ex to do any and everything to fight to fix our relationship and it didn't happen. I waited because I was for sure it would. The time I lost I hated myself for it for so long. I remember saying to my self I'm such an idiot! Who waits for someone just because you love them? Just because you were asked.. Now I'm glad I waited I now have given myself time to be alone to focus on me and my relationship with God. I didn't move on like everyone in my life told me to and I'm thankful. I know what is meant to be will be. I know that God has the final say so in life, death and relationships anything you name he controls it all. Time is never the enemy it's what we do with the time that becomes the problem. So my question to you is how do you spend your time? Now I use my time to build me I am doing things I never imagined. I love myself so much that I'm still learning how beautiful I am inside and out! I'm remembering that I can do anything I desire. Time is the best thing if you don't waste it use it to your advantage. When in doubt remember everything happens for a reason. You only wait on God and trust that the person who loves you truly won't let anything stop them from making it known they want you. God knows your hearts desires..

Loving Yourself 101: Have you told yourself " I love you" Today??

This morning I woke up and thank God today is a good day! The truth is having a good day doesn't mean that you don't think about what your going through or what hurt you or how you hurt yourself some how in the situation. It just simply means your having a good day. You can breathe (yes you can trust me it happens eventually). My advice on waking up to have a good day is remember to say "I love You" to yourself. Say " I love you God! Thank You" thank you for what I have and what I have yet to receive. You all know how much I love that Kirk Franklin song: Wanna be happy! Its simply because I do. I have given my heart to be broken. Hell I was broken still am. Healing is a process. Especially when you want to be healed inside out. The biggest pill to swallow is forgiving yourself for allowing yourself to be disrespected, mistreated and what ever else emotion you felt at that time. I'm forgiving me because I LOVE ME! (Yes I said forgiving as in I still am because I still get upset from time to time about where I was). I'm an amazing person I was just in a deep dark place and I needed God to lead me out! I have always known God prayed to him asked him for what I wanted. But not until this year of my life have I even attempted to ask him what he wants from me. Learning to be careful for what I ask for...learning what I want out of life... learning not to compromise my hearts desires...Loving yourself does not mean you wont still love people from your past it just simply means you no longer give them the power to hurt you. If God wants them around they will be. Its not up to us and the sooner we all realize it the better off we will be! Its not easy at all but loving you is the most important thing always has been its just sometimes easy to deprive ourselves when we love hard and give so much of our selves to others.

Proverbs 3:5- Trust in the lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding.

(Please share if you know someone who needs this). I am just simply me sharing my story to recovery) Have an amazing day!

Loving Yourself 101: Interviewing Your Relationship

What is the very first thing you do when your searching for a new job? You open the posting and you look at the qualifications the experience you need to fulfill what's expected of you... So why don't we do the same thing when we are dating? Even when you get a job you still have a 90 day probationary period before you can even breathe easy. I know you hear it all the time wait 90 days before you have sex I have no idea who came up with that ridiculous rule but nobody reveals who they truly are in 90 days. It's still fun and exciting in the beginning but what we all are truly after is that person who wants to be there far after a three month period... That person who wants to make it work no matter what even when there has been a rough year. What we want is a partner in life. However instead we skip over the important parts we don't truly know people before we start having sex and our judgement becomes cloudy. Our hormones provide deep connections that our souls don't. There's no loyalty or respect for people so it's easy to just keep going. Interview with your mind and not your heart set your expectations first because it's not worth eventually giving up what you truly want in the end! Respect me and cater to me because I guarantee you I know I won't ask for anything I'm not capable of giving myself! Be by me if I'm happy sad or sick. Love me when I'm acting out or when I'm lost. Love me for the long hold if we get to that point. I want love that's deeper than hormones because I have that for better or for worse love. What kind of love do you have? What kind of love are you looking for? Know what you want before you get out here. Set your expectations before you allow someone else to set them for you..

Loving Yourself 101: Adjusting When I Think of You

Written a while ago: Sometimes I admit I wake up and I think of you to the point where I allow my emotions to suck the life out of me until I get myself to remember this. Your not doing the same thing. In the beginning you promised me so many things to get right it's been months. When I constantly reminded myself of the good things that happen what we meant to eachother you were reminding yourself that everything was wrong that walking away was right. When I was praying for us to come out on top you were busy dating making friends. I could go on but why would I. In this past year I decided that this blog is here for that one person who may be going through this that moments like this are okay. It's doesn't mean your weak or stupid it just means you truly were in love. You did all you could do I wouldn't lie on the process it's hard but it doesn't hurt everyday anymore. You'll heal faster when you realize you will always love them you just love yourself more now. You can't fight for a relationship alone your just punching air and if you can visualize it remind yourself how you'll look fighting an imaginary person. Real love doesn't turn off but it's easier to turn up the volume on your love for yourself continue to remember that your growing today and each day into a strong individual so God can send you one just as strong as you! Some people heal by entertaining friends or getting in a new relationship to me it's pointless eventually you will hurt them because your hurt. ( Or you still don't know you or what you truly want). Give yourself time maybe a year or 6months (if you think that's too long) and love on you. Then you will get to where I am so you can help someone else. God will bring in your life who he wants it may be of the past or the future but let go and always know your worth fighting for. I know I was dead set on my future the way I saw it if God sees that for me it will happen but I gotta trust what he sees for me is better. Your heart will heal your constant thoughts will as well I can promise you that just don't give up on you it doesn't matter what there doing who there dating trust me let God handle it all. Don't torture yourself with thoughts of if they are happy or not. You may never know. Understand you aren't perfect no one is but your worth it and so are the desires of your heart...  right now your focus must be on you and healing not being angry. Trust God will make a way for you and your happiness that has to be your goal now.

Loving Yourself 101: What is 2 fast?

I know that I have learned that going from one relationship to the next is not healthy. I believe that we all heal differently but how do you just spend years with one person and now all of a sudden your in another relationship. Is it real? I have no idea I just know this time I'm not doing it. I just want to love on me learn me and invest in me. I think that's something we should all do before we jump into the next situation. Love the kind we are meant to experience the real kind that God sees for us does not consist of being in love with everyone we meet. However it happens so much people think its normal it not. Real love ( no I'm not referring to abusive relationships) is meant to be worth every fight to keep it alive it doesnt hold grudges, and its not fearful of loss. When you truly believe in love you'll stop at nothing to make it work unless there is nothing else left for you to try. Real love is intoxicating and powerful and I for one would rather wait on that instead of making myself believe I have it with the very next person I meet. Or before I try to learn who I am while I'm with someone else.  I want the kind of love that God wants for me. The kind that makes me feel safe and wont give up on me. I trust him and only him and only God can bring two souls together in that manner. I have enough to work on and I accept that! It's scary but it makes me a better person for knowing that what I have to offer shouldn't just be given to anyone who can't understand the value of it.

Loving YourSelf 101: Be Happy?!

I will admit that song by Kirk Franklin "Wanna Be Happy". I can listen to it over and over! Why because it asked you Do you wanna be happy and yes I do. I'm tired of things not changing I was stuck! I asked Jesus to take the wheel. I was giving my heart to someone who couldn't understand that my love was unconditional who kept tearing it apart no matter how much I tried to hold us together the more I tried the worse it became. I cried myself to sleep many nights. I prayed and prayed for God to fix us for us to work. My first mistake was not praying to God and letting him work.  I kept trying and even though I know I can not destroy what he has for me I learned to let him work. I never deserted God no matter how hurt I was and I never will. I don't know what my future looks like or who it consists of but I do know I chose to be happy. As I said I'll never say never again but I will say I trust God and he will bring in my life what he feels I need not what I thought I needed. So my question to you all is.. Are you tired? Tired of nothing changing then talk to God your first father he knows when your hurting but are you truly ready for your life to change! Lying to God is dumb he knows your heart he knows what your desires are but ask him what does he see for you. He doesn't want us to hurt and by all means I know its hard but forgive those who spit on you and ask God to heal you. I have no idea why I am here but I know one thing what it meant to be will be  God has the final say so. Nobody can turn anything around the way God can have patience and believe he has better for you. Get to know him as I am trying to. Ask  him to give you a new heart learn how to operate in the holy spirit instead of our flesh. The truth is God holds no grudges so who are we to think we can?  It's time to surround yourself with positive people! People who can give you words of encouragement people who can see the beauty in you that you are struggling to see.