Loving Yourself 101: Compromise

Loving yourself is not compromising your hearts desires! If you want to be married then that's your end goal don't compromise. Love yourself enough to know giving up what you truly want is giving up on you. I am completely guilty of altering what I wanted for someone else and I had to forgive myself for it. I also know that you have to be careful because people you involve yourself with will use your wants to hold on to you. For instance, calling you their last name but not committing the actual act of marriage. You have to love yourself enough to know walking away hurts but it's better than giving your all to someone who thinks  it's an option to give you theirs. Continue to ask God to order your steps and break up or walk away from anyone uncertain that your it. Besides its a waste of time to want someone who doesn't want you and it's okay if you have been in that situation before your not now! Trust that God has the power to do anything your heart desires and he will bring you the husband that you are meant to have. Just remember to place God first and your purpose to him. Continue to better yourself daily and know your blessing is on the way. Don't compromise just have patience it's coming!

Loving Yourself 101: Mirror Challenge

Hello ladies today I want you to try this for me. This is something I want you to try after your all done with you day and your at home by yourself and relaxing. This time is about you. First grab yourself a hair tie and place your hair in a pony tail, if you have short hair simply pin it back.. If you have make up on grab a face towel and remove your make up and your lashes. Remove your piercing and your ear rings. I want you to take a deep breathe clear your mind and look at yourself in the mirror. When you look at yourself what do you see? What does your eyes say? The expression on your face as you stare at this person in the mirror. Do you even know that person looking back at you?  How many of you immediately looked at your flaws: Your pimples, scars ,dark marks or the fact that your eye brows needed to be done. Is that what you saw? Why is that the first thing you saw? Instead of how beautiful you are? Let me tell you what I saw when I first did this. The first time I tried to look at me the real me I broke down and cried I hated everything about me and my outer exterior I could see every dark mark, pimple and scar. I could see the discoloration in my face. I hated who ever I was looking at in the mirror. I wept at the fact that I saw a complete stranger. Afterwards whenever I got dressed for work I would wash my face, brush my teeth and make sure I didn't look fully in the mirror. I would wait until I got in my car to apply my eye liner so I could only see my eyes and the darker the better because then people would see my eyes and not the ugly face attached to it. I could see my eyes because I never looked into my own eyes. The second time I gathered enough courage to try this again I stared at me and as the tears rolled down my face I could see past my face I saw me all I could see was all the hurt I hid behind a fake smile, the dark marks I had because I tossed and turned every single night.  I saw someone who was broken and stopped loving who I was because I was lost I didn't know how to. It was then as I was staring at this ghost in the mirror that I decided enough was enough. I had to admit that I was hurting but I reminded myself not for long, I would get through this. That I am beautiful in side and out and that the angry person I was on the outside only existed because that's the only way I knew how to protect my inside. I had be in a war this whole time with myself and my life. Why didn't I see a warrior trying to weather a storm when I first looked in the mirror I believe it was because I had to learn me to understand how to love me. I needed to stop fighting God and understand that he was working on me and my life I just didn't agree with how he was doing it. I had to surrender and laugh at myself at the fact that God must have be shaking his head at me fighting him. I asked him to help me love me as he loves me. Every day now when I look in the mirror I love everything I am becoming and I love it. I am not broken, or holding on to anything. I see a person who wants what God has for me and that is  the very best. I am whole and complete in him.

The Lords unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him ( Psalms 32:10)

Loving Yourself 101: Forgiveness

I must admit that I have been very angry and very hurt in these past couple of years. More hurt because none of what was happening in my life seemed fair to me. I kept asking "What did I do so wrong for this?.  I had believed in words..? How could I believe in that with no action and it simply because I wanted it to be true I wanted the dream that was being promised the future that I was being told we had. Those words were my oxygen they were my driving force to fight for a relationship that I believed in no matter how much the punches kept coming. However, I had to come to terms with the fact that those very blows to my heart were of my very own. I knew better actions are everything! Consistency is everything!  I have to constantly remind myself that the heart that loves me will stop at nothing to keep me. It doesn't need to weigh options or run from me because it knows I will take care of it just as I would like it to take care of me. It wont hold grudges or make the choice to stop fighting to make it work with me. People make mistakes I mean we are human but its what is done after the mistake is realized that really matters. I just wonder why as women do we take so much from someone we love? At what point does the value of what we think they contribute to our lives trump the value we know we have or contribute to them. We deserve to never wonder where they are, we deserve the best treatment because we do it from them. There is no other way and for some reason we think it is we willingly take less. We carry so much anger because we believed in them, but now its time to believe in ourselves believe what you have to offer is what you rightly deserve to be offered back. Forgive yourself for the person you allowed yourself to be when you were with them. You are no longer that person your stronger your wiser and you know God would never forsake you. Forgive them because it no longer matters what dreams you had with them if they didn't have them with you. Forgive them because God would have it no other way. I know we sometimes carry the hope that they will change one day and it's possible they will but it doesn't mean it will be for you.  We have all prayed that prayer for a better outcome than this? The person that's for you that God sent will love you more than you can even imagine right now. It was once said to me that if you think that was love just imagine how amazing it will feel when its the love God has sent for you. If you just take the time to love you forgive you and allow God to mold you into who you were always meant to be. God will give you someone who will weather any storm with you. After all God made Eve from Adams rib! That unconditional love you have inside of you that thought of what love is to you is real it does exist! You hurt so bad because you love unconditionally and that is perfectly fine as long as it's with the right one! The bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing. Let him find you and yes it takes time anything worth it should be waited on. You will have moments of sadness you will break down and cry after all any break up that you never anticipated is like a death you mourn it. Just say this "Lord I need you every day every hour I can not do this by myself." He will see you through just trust him.

Loving Yourself 101: Friendships VS Relationships

On this journey of getting to know me I had to first understand who I was as a person and how I dealt with relationships. I am quick to walk away when I am upset because I don't like to let others see me cry and when I get upset I rage in anger because I'm hurting not because I'm violent. I had to learn that no one can trigger these emotions unless I feel disrespected or unless it pertains to someone I hold close to my heart. (Seems pretty normal right?) However, it took me a very long time to understand what got me to that point. What type of person are you? Once you figure that out you have to ask yourself do the people in your life understand that about you? What came up in casual conversation the other day was why are women so quick to cut off their "friends" that have wronged them but continue to deal with a "man" who has done them even worse? When our "friends" express how they feel about certain situations or voice how they feel about things we are quick to cut them out of our lives but a man can say he is sorry for something he has done countless times and we still yearn for him to be apart of our lives. What sense does it make when in reality any strong relationship first begins with a strong friendship. Why is it not okay for friends to fight and get over it? We expect ( there goes that word again) our best friends/friends to be back bone to protect us whenever altercations are present when ever someone has something negative to say about us. To be there when we are hurting, or just want to hang our best friends who we in turn call our sisters know us deeply they carry our secrets and know our hurts. We at some times are more open with our men then we are with our best friends. Yet we expect our men to do the same thing the only difference is you lay in bed with him. So why does he get a free pass and she doesn't? I have been completely guilty of the same thing myself I really have been. First I had been guilty of trying to find who I was while I was with someone else and my personal point of view is that you cant. If you are trying to learn who you are and your in a relationship your still conforming to who you need to be for your mate NOT who you need to be for yourself. Secondly, I have cut off friends so quick because I didn't agree with what they were doing or perceiving what I was trying to say. I cut them off because they truly hurt me but I never really knew how to tell them what I felt. Then when I realized that I had to understand that just because I had forgiven them didn't mean they were meant to be in my life. Honestly if we learn how to understand then men and women in our lives, we wouldn't have so many damaged friendships and relationships. Of course the important portion of that is you both have to value your relationship to work it cant be one sided. Ultimately the relationship that teaches you how to deal with the ones in your life is the one you develop with GOD first. He will teach you how to deal with them accordingly and he will revamp the one that are beneficial for you to carry out your destiny on earth. There is nothing you have done that GOD cant undo remember that.

-Kai

Loving Yourself 101: Expectation

According to my latest search of the word "expectation" on google it's is defined as: A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. We expect so much from our friendships, mates, family, ourselves  and associates. When it doesn't turn out the way we imagine we develop a portion of anger that can possibly steer us in the wrong way. When people we care about hurt us we tend to carry that hurt for months or years. I for one expected so much from everyone in my life I expected to be respected, loved, valued and not rejected by any one of them. They were my circle my trusted circle at that so why shouldn't  I expect that. For example, If I'm the friend that goes all out on your bday why wouldn't you do it for mine?  (Of course excluding monetary issues). Showing up for me is what's important friendships are relationships that's why it hurts when we are let down. WE expect never to be left out (even from the small things) and when we are we mask the hurt. I know I'm so sensitive when it comes to that. I also realized protecting me is what's most important so I often find myself just staying away. We expect people to treat us better but we don't demand the same thing from ourselves we give chance after chance to people who care only to temporarily make a change because we benefit their lives  but never stop to ask ourselves what they benefit for us. WE are so busy trying not to be alone that we are willing to surround ourselves with shells of people instead of individuals who actually add values to our lives. When we get hurt we expect ourselves to somehow have known what was coming so now we are angry again. We expect our parents to be there for us in certain ways we expect people to understand how we feel in certain situations we EXPECT that they value us the way we value them. Why is that? I think it's because we don't give ourselves a chance to see people for who they truly are we look at them to be who we need them to be to us and when they can't deliver that even when we can deliver it to them we are devastated disappointed because to your heart your emotions why can't they be? We expect ourselves to be able to get over breakups that have some what broken us and how can you expect that of yourself? Immediately??  Letting go of any expectation takes time healing is a process inside a process. For now on I have only one EXPECTATION and that's to surround myself with people who display that they want to be a asset to my life not take away from me in anyway unless it's comfort they need. Surround yourself with those who want what's best for you and will be there for you when you can't be there for yourself. Who wants to he surrounded by a bunch of emptiness?

Loving Yourself 101: Knowing Your Triggers

When your recovering from a break up or anything in your life that has devastated you or changed you it's important to know what triggers you. You can make it days, or months and be fine and then all of a sudden it hits you. That hurt those memories the reason why you are in this mess in the first place it knocks the wind out of you. What are your triggers? Movies, old texts, their family, your family, birthdays, friends, holidays, or broken promises? For me every single one of these things took me backwards until I finally cut it all off. I cut myself off from everything but God. I was in a place that I needed answers I found comfort in talking to the family of my ex after all to me they were my family. I couldn't understand why it had happened why we weren't worth it anymore and  why we were each other's future one day and the next it was nothing. But that's how my hurt turned into my downfall I lived my hurt all day I questioned every move I made in my relationship it played in my head over and over and no matter how many times I tried to press stop it wouldn't it was like my stop button was broken and my self destruct mode was in full force. I can honestly say I regret talking to them and not because they weren't sympathetic and really helpful but just because I never should have involved them at all but they knew I was hurt I was crushed. I needed them and they understood that. In that moment I only needed God. I had to understand that being able to talk with them about my break up was only hurting me worse I had to realize that I could never fully let go until I let it all go. So I did I cut all ties because I had to not because I wanted to. I wanted to heal. I feared them being hurt or mad at me but I had to trust that when the time was right I would be able to associate with them and not mourn the fact that I was no longer in that family. I couldn't watch reality tv or shows we use to watch or go places we use to it all made me sick. I hated running into people who asked where my ex was. All triggers  they drove me crazy. I disappeared from everything and everyone. I was sick health wise and heart wise I had to get a grip on it. I told God I didn't want that feeling anymore  I was better than this better than mourning. I had to realize that in order to be healed the right way. I had to go through my season of hurt and what I feared most was how long the season would last. I gave to much of me to a situation only God could change the way he wanted it. I had to ask God to take it from me because I was too weak to give him everything I was dealing with. It helped me when I could say that I didn't want that  feeling of hurt anymore I just wanted happiness to feel happy. I had to realize that the new person I was becoming enjoyed life differently viewed it differently I'm no longer who I use to be. I know now that those who couldn't understand my disappearance didn't understand that it was what I needed. What ever brings on your hurt or self destruction ask God to help you place it in his hands. Understand that what triggers you now won't always trigger you. Understand that strength and healing comes on Gods time not yours. Gods love is the best love.

The lords unfailing love surrounds the man that trusts him (Psalms 32:10)