Loving YourSelf 101: Time

Time heals all wounds is on other one of those expressions we hear... But... How many of us actually believe that? For me when I'm going through something in the beginning in my mind it's Hell naw time won't heal shit but when I sit down and pray on it I ask God to heal me because I know I can't do it on my own. I pray he helps me forgive but not forget. I know I can get over anything honestly that's the way I'm built but I also have learned not everyone is as strong as me or should be forgiven to the point you still involve them in your life. By all means forgive no situation is worth the energy it takes to not forgive. Ask God why not he knows your heart anyway. Trust that he's more powerful than anything you thought you did wrong or can't move past if God wants it to happen it will! Cry unto him he knows the needed cry of his children. I'm learning and I want him to really know me. Just my thoughts there are genuine people out here just ask God to protect you to shield you from those unworthy of you.

DEMANDING RESPECT

How can you demand respect from others but not demand it from yourself? Its is truly okay if you didn't know how to demand it in your last relationship or you are learning to now the important part is that you demand it. Now don't get me wrong some people want crazy amounts of respect like people are dogs that's not what I'm talking about. In relationships yes you guys should know each others where abouts not because its a death sentence but because you know your mate worries. Be respectful and how you address the other sex, topics and time management. In friendship you must demand respect why are you the best friend to someone but they treat you like you are barely an associates? Every relationship in your life should be worth your time because tomorrow its not promised. Of course every relationship will not be the same on both ends but you know when someone is showing true effort. No argument is worth losing a relationship but you have to remember mentally everyone is not on the same level. Age is not mentality and that's sad but its true. Don't assume people will do you how you do them you have to demand it and if they cant supply it let them go. Hold yourself to a higher standard and those around you will be forced to do the same. When in doubt ask God for guidance and listen to his responses. Demand a better life for yourself and use God as your backbone.

Loving yourself 101: Letting God In

I'll be The first to admit that my mind constantly keeps going even when I am trying to give it all to God, but today I learned what it feels like to listen to him to know what it feels like When I'm doing what he is asking. Like my experience at s.o.s 20 minutes and I was out and the machine said my wait was 3hrs and 27min! God I'm trusting you even though I'm still learning how to and studying you I know I can not go wrong through you! Amen😘

Loving Yourself 101: Who Am I

During this time of reflection I think I have asked myself this a million times. Who Am I?  In my constant thoughts my questions to myself. I have been so hard on myself because I don't know how I lost myself. I realized the best way to find yourself is to remember what I love about myself. I am the girl who is a over the top hopeless romantic. Who loves so hard. I probably am a directors go to audience you know when the movie is all sentimental and they want to see the reaction of the audience I am the best candidate. I get so involved in the scenes because that's me. I love love the idea of it the way it feels. I took what happened in my past so hard because that was love a love I never felt before and I know that if it felt that good in the beginning with my past then it will be even more amazing with the one that God has for me. When I watch movies I am the person in the movie the girl who falls in love or gets her heart broken. Beyond movies my heart is in everything I do I realize  however that I need to always confide in God first, I thank God that today I'm breathing just fine I have come a long way since last year, A very long way. Im embracing getting to know the real me. I am the one who hopes I make a difference in some one else's life. I just want to be so in love with God and myself and that is all that I care about, For once in my life its about me! I can never go back to who I was but  I wont deprive my soul mate of who I am because I got a few bumps in bruises along the way. What I have to offer is amazing and only a strong confident person can deal with that because they know what I have to offer is rare,

Loving Yourself 101: Stress

Hello, today is February 8, 2016 and today is a Good day. Why is that? I'm in a relationship with the lord. My situation is unlike any one else's of course but to me its truly enough and that because God will not give me anything I can not handle. I had to remember that he is my protector my savior, my best friend and anything else I may need.  Lord if it be thy will... Even if my flesh wants something else. Lord if it be thy will I know you love me I know you are for me! Unlike most people in my times of hurt and pain I never deserted the Lord. In fact I prayed harder and more often even when I was angry with him I still prayed to him! The difference now is what I pray for and how I pray. I had to learn to let his will be done! I had to learn that God wanted more for me and what I desire has nothing on what he has to offer me! I stressed about everything In my past relationships everything because I forgot the number one rule of life! Give it to God I can not move anything in this life with out him being the head of my life. I had to trust he would make a way through any storm. Matthew 8:23-27. Even when you are in a panic the Lord never will be he controls it all. I place my all in him as  I pray. I decided to develop my relationship with him and to be fully committed in my walk with him. So that when I face my next relationship or my soul mate as I call it I'm ready. I'll wait to be valued the way I know only a person sent by God can give.. I had to realize that what I feel  and what I see is nothing compared to his vision for me. Each day as  I walk I ask for his input and each day I'll grow closer to him. I'm happy with just focusing on him right now because he has never lost his focus on me.

Why I blog.... My thoughts

Before we begin please understand I AM NOT A WRITER or a THERAPIST or an EXPERT! If your one of those people who get irritated by grammatical errors you should probably stop here. This blog is not about all that.  I speak on what I have learned about myself and what has worked best for me as I learn me:


I remember fighting myself and asking myself if blogging was something I should do... I also remembering being so angry with God asking him how could the man I married do me the way he did??Then I met my ex... I was so hurt and lost when I met my ex... I trusted my ex with my deepest darkest secrets the very essence of who I was because I thought If I was honest about the fact that I wasn't perfect the fact that I was hurting so bad that when my ex asked me to trust and believe in something greater and to be let in I did it. I opened myself up maybe even more than I did with my husband. I remember asking God was this what real love was... Was this what a soul mate was the connection we shared in the beginning the passion and just how I fell in love with all of me. That feeling of being so high on life with not even a glass of wine in my system. It was a different type of love. I never felt that when I was married and I married that man, Then things changed and not only did a part of me die when my ex walked away from me but I wanted to die. I literally didn't care to exist in this world and I must admit I did well disappearing from everyone and anything that was familiar. I fought so hard for a relationship that didn't want to be kept. I didn't understand I never cheated on either one of them I never spit on anyone and they just walked out of my life like they meant nothing to me. I prayed to God I asked him if I hurt someone this bad and didn't remember then please show me let them forgive me I didn't wish this hurt on anyone. You know me with the plan who made it to 29 with only two relationships both long term 13 years and 4 years. I remember asking myself was I pathetic. I regretted not being out here like other people living the "single life". Then when I was at my lowest after me and my ex broke up there was my ex husband who admitted that he would give anything to have a second chance because I was a good woman he became just one of the voices who reminded me that I had more to live for. There was certainly a time where I thought I could never associate with him again but we are good associates and I learned to never say never.  Out of everything we had been through he was honest with me he was man enough to say that I deserved better than he and my ex had given me. Even though him and I are over  I appreciate him for being honest and I wish him the best. This past year, I had given up on my health my life and loving myself all because I didn't understand why so much was happening. I asked God was I reaping what one of my parents had sown in this world. Now I'm definitely not perfect. I have a smart mouth and at times I'm bossy when I'm passionate about something but yet and still I never did anything to deserve this. I have had fake pages made up about me my pictures stolen. I grew up with a father who was on drugs and a mother who held him down after all he did. I literally have been fighting for everything in my life and I was tired. I realized that loving me is understanding this about me. I love so hard I cater so much and when people are close to me they can cut me deep... literally carve my heart out. I'm honestly hurt still I just had to realize that eventually I won't hurt anymore and each day I grow stronger. I had to remember that I am the prize with all I have to offer I'll just wait on the person God has for me and in order for that to happen I have to grow closer to him I have to be able to hear him when he is speaking to me so he and myself are they only things important to me. I have to forgive them and trust that God will heal me my broken heart. I have to stop hoping for my ex to change and trust that God will make a way for me to overcome this even if it isn't the way I want.  To most people they will read this and it may not mean much at all. However for me my blogs are directed to that one person who needs to read them that one person who is in that very moment when they believe that dying  is better than living. So some days I'm sure my words will feel like I repeat myself but its all in my healing all in becoming the woman that God wants me to be. I know what happened to me is something that I'm suppose to use and help someone else and although I don't know exactly how to start I believe my blogs are a good place. I'll share as much as I can without writing a tell all blog about my entire life. Until later.