Reflection: My Truth

Everybody who has ever hurt me, or lied on me I forgive you and I still love you.. none of us are perfect. I just have no desire to have you apart of my life. Life is just 2 short 2 respond to every negative thing people say about you. Yes, I heard what you said, what you posted and the other things as well. If it makes you feel better 2 paint a negative picture of me go ahead. If you can sit in a room and pass judgement on me & what I dealt with like it's nothing go right ahead. Does it somewhat bother me?  Yes, it does because I never saw you doing that to me.  I just don't have it in me to do anyone that way so I won't drop down to that  level. LIFE is 2 short. I would never expect you to understand my hurt that's between me and my God. Instead I'll just say I'll never change my heart for someone who changed theirs towards me. God created the light trust and believe he will shine it on the situation when he sees fit. No love lost

Kai*

Living Vs. Dying: Reflection

The end of the year is approaching fast. It's October already and then this is when it all began to happen. The death of my step father and little brother from my first relationship. Then another individual who touched my heart after the passing of my grandfather. We hear it often that life is short, but its more than that. Life is hard and confusing. Who is it safe to love? Who is it safe to trust? Losing those people changed me it made me realize I didn't want to die next. Seeing them leave me remembering the hurt it gave me the motivation to fight myself what I dealing with health wise and to also deal with my heart. I needed my life back. Who I was back and a better version of me.  I wanted to be able to breathe again. My heart was tired of feeling like a knife was constantly being twisted in it. I finally said I couldn't hold on anymore to the hope that I had in my heart. I finally let go of the promises. Three people died before the end of the year and I just snapped. There It was! Reality in my face! I pressed pause on my life waiting. Waiting for us to be together again. I figured why would I date anyone else talk to anyone else. The thought of it literally made me sick. Attending two funeral will have that effect on you. It makes you look at your life. You reevaluate everyone and everything because it could all be gone tomorrow. I no longer wanted people in my life who showed that me being apart of their life wasn't as important to them as it was to me. I didn't want to cry anymore over someone who was okay with leaving our situation the way it was. Now I can look back on last year and just thank God for this year. I am truly blessed and alive. My heart is still big and I am learning daily to be the best version of myself now. I'm still trusting God.

Kai

Loving YourSelf 101: Being Who I Am

Its been a few months since I posted anything. I believe I just had to take a few steps back a few situations occurred and I found myself feeling completely blind sided by a few people I thought were actually close to me. It hurts but somehow I've finally got to the point where I say "okay God" "What do you want me to do" Sometimes its best to step back and analyze the situations before you make final decisions. I have definitely changed and I realize that I'm constantly in the process of changing. Getting to know me is realizing that I can't let those two relationships or friendships define who I am because they are not me. No matter how real my love is for people in my life if they don't display that to me then ultimately I am losing in the end. No portion of me hates them I will always love them in the Lord. People who don't show you remorse or make situations about them are not the people you can have around to assist you in making positive decisions in your life. Being who I am means that I will continue to love just as much as I did before in both relationships and friendships. However, this time I wont continue to trust people who don't respect me enough to protect me or to value what we had like I would.  I don't expect anyone to be just like me, or do things the way I will but loving yourself is understanding that some times you must love someone from a distance. Never allow hatred or forgiveness in your heart. Wake up and spread the love and joy you have inside because God Blessed you with it.