On this journey of getting to know me I had to first understand who I was as a person and how I dealt with relationships. I am quick to walk away when I am upset because I don't like to let others see me cry and when I get upset I rage in anger because I'm hurting not because I'm violent. I had to learn that no one can trigger these emotions unless I feel disrespected or unless it pertains to someone I hold close to my heart. (Seems pretty normal right?) However, it took me a very long time to understand what got me to that point. What type of person are you? Once you figure that out you have to ask yourself do the people in your life understand that about you? What came up in casual conversation the other day was why are women so quick to cut off their "friends" that have wronged them but continue to deal with a "man" who has done them even worse? When our "friends" express how they feel about certain situations or voice how they feel about things we are quick to cut them out of our lives but a man can say he is sorry for something he has done countless times and we still yearn for him to be apart of our lives. What sense does it make when in reality any strong relationship first begins with a strong friendship. Why is it not okay for friends to fight and get over it? We expect ( there goes that word again) our best friends/friends to be back bone to protect us whenever altercations are present when ever someone has something negative to say about us. To be there when we are hurting, or just want to hang our best friends who we in turn call our sisters know us deeply they carry our secrets and know our hurts. We at some times are more open with our men then we are with our best friends. Yet we expect our men to do the same thing the only difference is you lay in bed with him. So why does he get a free pass and she doesn't? I have been completely guilty of the same thing myself I really have been. First I had been guilty of trying to find who I was while I was with someone else and my personal point of view is that you cant. If you are trying to learn who you are and your in a relationship your still conforming to who you need to be for your mate NOT who you need to be for yourself. Secondly, I have cut off friends so quick because I didn't agree with what they were doing or perceiving what I was trying to say. I cut them off because they truly hurt me but I never really knew how to tell them what I felt. Then when I realized that I had to understand that just because I had forgiven them didn't mean they were meant to be in my life. Honestly if we learn how to understand then men and women in our lives, we wouldn't have so many damaged friendships and relationships. Of course the important portion of that is you both have to value your relationship to work it cant be one sided. Ultimately the relationship that teaches you how to deal with the ones in your life is the one you develop with GOD first. He will teach you how to deal with them accordingly and he will revamp the one that are beneficial for you to carry out your destiny on earth. There is nothing you have done that GOD cant undo remember that.
-Kai
This is so true, gave me a different insight!!!
ReplyDeleteThank You!
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ReplyDeleteThis is so on point I have better insight in my Relationships with people and my marriage from reading this thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteVery well put and an excellent point of view!
ReplyDeleteProud moment 😊
I agree!
DeleteWhat a thought provoking question! Why do we allow men to hurt us in ways that we would never allow friends to hurt us? I believe that many women measure their personal success by the ability to keep a man around. If he works hard in school or holds a decent job, we feel like we’ve hit the jackpot because his success shines light upon us. If he’s cute or talented, we feel even more special. Instead of focusing upon our own talents and strengths, we focus upon finding men who can bolster our sense of self worth. We keep the bad guys around because we just can’t face the thought of being that girl without a boyfriend. As an older person who has been happily married for almost two decades, I can tell you that the road to lasting joy can only be found within. When searching for a mate, these are the only questions that truly matter: Is he kind and affectionate? Does he make me laugh? Does he have a history of being faithful to the women he dates? Is he committed to helping me maintain a home through hard work and sacrifice? Would he make a good father? Does he rejoice in my success and encourage me to be everything I can be? When love is profound and real, external qualities become irrelevant, and we never have to put up with constant bull to keep a man around.
ReplyDeleteI agree we find out identity in our partners instead of having our own. The key word to funding a partner in this world is remembering we are whole by ourselves they are supposed to add value not complete us.
DeleteI love this! You are amazing!
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