LOVING YOURSELF 101: Prayer to Let Go

As I read through my emails I just want to say this you are not weak because you haven't learned how to let go. You have to make a decision! You have to believe that letting go leads to healing. Trust me when I say my writing can never truly express how hard it was for me to let go and give it to God. I prayed to him daily for hours at a time to answer my prayer the way that I wanted him to. It wasn't until I began to learn to pray about his will that things changed in my life. I believe one of the hardest parts about this journey is learning how to take your hands off of a situation that you have allowed yourself to have a death grip on. No matter how much you love someone. No matter how much you want them to change there is nothing you can honestly do to make them conform to what you want. You must release the grip and give it to God. He is the only one who can change us. When you are releasing it you have to ask God what his will is for the situation and to teach you how to bare it. If it’s in his will our Father will make a way. Running across this prayer today is something I hope helps find you peace:

Lord Jesus Please forgive me of my sins as I turn to you. This situation is hard! This relationship I love it & care for it. However I realize its unfruitful, Holy spirit I pray right now that you will take away my desire to be connected to this individual. I submit my heart unto your leading and you will. Help me to do the hard thing. Lord I pray you will pull away from me everything that is not of you. If they are good bring them near. If they are not drive them away. I submit my heart and my will unto you! In your son Jesus name Amen!

~Kai

Loving Yourself 101: Trust

Good Morning my loves!! I hope that everyone woke up this morning saying thank you to the father for all that he has done and still is. I know I have been on the fence about talking about a few things in my life and my past because I was not really sure where God was taking me with it. However now I am able to speak on it. One of the most important parts of this journey is trust. Trusting God and realizing you can still trust your self. Every inch of pain you felt as you felt it was real no one can ever take that from you but as I've stated before it time to trust God as he guides you. He will prepare you its just truly up to you if you want to listen and pay attention. He warned me that I was about to face my past everyone who ever hurt me, left me, tried to destroy me and what I thought of myself! I have literally faced in the last month in a half people who at some point impacted me. We are talking about people who sought to destroy me and my relationships with lies. We are talking about people who had wronged me and now it was placed on their hearts to make it right. I remember asking my cousin was I crazy... I asked what was happening to me? Where are these people coming from?  Why are these people brining up these old things I was over. Her exact words "you better get ready".  The truth was I wasn't over it because I was still angry or hurt about some of it. What I thought I was over I had simply buried under the ton of emotions I was already running away from. I remembering asking God to remove anything that's stopping me from walking in my purpose. When I tell you he is the be all when you ask you receive. He removed it all even things I had no clue were still there. I realized as I forgave them I forgave me for still holding on to it. I realized that I now remember so many things I had been successful at blocking out I wasn't afraid any more. When God told me to stop it and let everyone go I did and slowly but surely he has restored every friendship he felt would lead me in the next step of my walk. As scary as it was as alone as I felt! I must admit I didn't lose anything and I gain daily. Each day he is healing me, my soul, my spirit and giving strength in my flesh to over come anything. My past is just that my past I'm excited as I walk with God in the beginning of my new chapter.

As always you can reach me via Email or simply reply and comments. I am here if you need me.

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. Psalm 37:5

Loving Yourself 101: Victim? Not!

I just wanted to clarify somethings in my writing. I know some of it is very deep and very hurtful to some people who care about me or share my story. However, I am not destroyed by anything in my past TRUST me when I say I love me even more for being able to sit back at it and laugh and thank God he took me from it. Am I happy it happened?  I mean no one wants to be hurt but I'm strong n spiritually guided. I learned who I am and that I  need God daily just read the Lord's Prayer. I always loved him but never have I ever been in love with him.  He is my strength and my father! He completes me and nothing else. He taught me to look at me learn more of myself and believe he has more from me and I truly want for nothing every obstacle I stumble across he clears the path. Come to this realization sometimes being knocked down allows your next stand to be on an un breakable foundation because God built it! Do you all really think that God doesn't use Satan??!! Anything the enemy can do to you God can stop start believing in you my loves and not what you have been through! Hold true to the value you  have you are not who you were when you were in that situation and that alone is something to celebrate! No rape, lie, or moment of abandonment defines you! I am indestructible God himself builds me daily I consult him in every move I make you should to! We all have moments where we will stumble but he will catch you! There is no victim here just a survivor who is meant to make sure others survive as well. Enjoy your Memorial Day with this in mind! You may not be a Vet in the eyes of your fellow friends or family but you truly are in the eyes of God you are at War daily in this world full of lost, jealous, confused people but when you acknowledge that you are not perfect but you know someone who is you win every day! Go to war with God as the general and believe me you will survivor everytime! Believe what is meant for you is for you no one can have it.

Loving Yourself 101: Process

Hey Ladies! My apologies for not writing lately I just really have been going through this roller coaster of life and allowing God to lead me. Man it's been crazy soo crazy not easy but worth it! When you ask God to remove anything he will when you ask him to show you yourself he will. Ask him to uproot anything that's bothering you in your heart that's stopping you from blossoming in your spiritual walk. He's literally been showing me each moment of hurt that I over came he showed me how strong I use to be and reminded me I'm stronger now. He also showed me that everyone is not the same so I can't treat them as such. Take note but don't be so quick to judge. Remember loving yourself is being able to grow, progress and trust that God is showing you the things you needed to learn. Loving yourself is about realizing you are an amazing person who deserves better. Release ladies it's time to get up out and enjoy each day God has given and the sooner you do the better you will feel. Surround yourself with people who love you and value you! Reevaluate every step you make now by observing it all and listening! Your progress is your process you can't expect people to understand what they have never been through. However if they try to support you let them. It's about you right now and your the only person who matters right now! You talk when your ready and if you don't want to you don't have to its your journey! Your goals your dreams what you want out of life! Know it and draw power from it!

This is dedicated to one of my readers I hope this helps! As always ladies I'm here if you need me.
~Kai

Loving Yourself 101: Compromise

Loving yourself is not compromising your hearts desires! If you want to be married then that's your end goal don't compromise. Love yourself enough to know giving up what you truly want is giving up on you. I am completely guilty of altering what I wanted for someone else and I had to forgive myself for it. I also know that you have to be careful because people you involve yourself with will use your wants to hold on to you. For instance, calling you their last name but not committing the actual act of marriage. You have to love yourself enough to know walking away hurts but it's better than giving your all to someone who thinks  it's an option to give you theirs. Continue to ask God to order your steps and break up or walk away from anyone uncertain that your it. Besides its a waste of time to want someone who doesn't want you and it's okay if you have been in that situation before your not now! Trust that God has the power to do anything your heart desires and he will bring you the husband that you are meant to have. Just remember to place God first and your purpose to him. Continue to better yourself daily and know your blessing is on the way. Don't compromise just have patience it's coming!

Loving Yourself 101: Mirror Challenge

Hello ladies today I want you to try this for me. This is something I want you to try after your all done with you day and your at home by yourself and relaxing. This time is about you. First grab yourself a hair tie and place your hair in a pony tail, if you have short hair simply pin it back.. If you have make up on grab a face towel and remove your make up and your lashes. Remove your piercing and your ear rings. I want you to take a deep breathe clear your mind and look at yourself in the mirror. When you look at yourself what do you see? What does your eyes say? The expression on your face as you stare at this person in the mirror. Do you even know that person looking back at you?  How many of you immediately looked at your flaws: Your pimples, scars ,dark marks or the fact that your eye brows needed to be done. Is that what you saw? Why is that the first thing you saw? Instead of how beautiful you are? Let me tell you what I saw when I first did this. The first time I tried to look at me the real me I broke down and cried I hated everything about me and my outer exterior I could see every dark mark, pimple and scar. I could see the discoloration in my face. I hated who ever I was looking at in the mirror. I wept at the fact that I saw a complete stranger. Afterwards whenever I got dressed for work I would wash my face, brush my teeth and make sure I didn't look fully in the mirror. I would wait until I got in my car to apply my eye liner so I could only see my eyes and the darker the better because then people would see my eyes and not the ugly face attached to it. I could see my eyes because I never looked into my own eyes. The second time I gathered enough courage to try this again I stared at me and as the tears rolled down my face I could see past my face I saw me all I could see was all the hurt I hid behind a fake smile, the dark marks I had because I tossed and turned every single night.  I saw someone who was broken and stopped loving who I was because I was lost I didn't know how to. It was then as I was staring at this ghost in the mirror that I decided enough was enough. I had to admit that I was hurting but I reminded myself not for long, I would get through this. That I am beautiful in side and out and that the angry person I was on the outside only existed because that's the only way I knew how to protect my inside. I had be in a war this whole time with myself and my life. Why didn't I see a warrior trying to weather a storm when I first looked in the mirror I believe it was because I had to learn me to understand how to love me. I needed to stop fighting God and understand that he was working on me and my life I just didn't agree with how he was doing it. I had to surrender and laugh at myself at the fact that God must have be shaking his head at me fighting him. I asked him to help me love me as he loves me. Every day now when I look in the mirror I love everything I am becoming and I love it. I am not broken, or holding on to anything. I see a person who wants what God has for me and that is  the very best. I am whole and complete in him.

The Lords unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him ( Psalms 32:10)

Loving Yourself 101: Forgiveness

I must admit that I have been very angry and very hurt in these past couple of years. More hurt because none of what was happening in my life seemed fair to me. I kept asking "What did I do so wrong for this?.  I had believed in words..? How could I believe in that with no action and it simply because I wanted it to be true I wanted the dream that was being promised the future that I was being told we had. Those words were my oxygen they were my driving force to fight for a relationship that I believed in no matter how much the punches kept coming. However, I had to come to terms with the fact that those very blows to my heart were of my very own. I knew better actions are everything! Consistency is everything!  I have to constantly remind myself that the heart that loves me will stop at nothing to keep me. It doesn't need to weigh options or run from me because it knows I will take care of it just as I would like it to take care of me. It wont hold grudges or make the choice to stop fighting to make it work with me. People make mistakes I mean we are human but its what is done after the mistake is realized that really matters. I just wonder why as women do we take so much from someone we love? At what point does the value of what we think they contribute to our lives trump the value we know we have or contribute to them. We deserve to never wonder where they are, we deserve the best treatment because we do it from them. There is no other way and for some reason we think it is we willingly take less. We carry so much anger because we believed in them, but now its time to believe in ourselves believe what you have to offer is what you rightly deserve to be offered back. Forgive yourself for the person you allowed yourself to be when you were with them. You are no longer that person your stronger your wiser and you know God would never forsake you. Forgive them because it no longer matters what dreams you had with them if they didn't have them with you. Forgive them because God would have it no other way. I know we sometimes carry the hope that they will change one day and it's possible they will but it doesn't mean it will be for you.  We have all prayed that prayer for a better outcome than this? The person that's for you that God sent will love you more than you can even imagine right now. It was once said to me that if you think that was love just imagine how amazing it will feel when its the love God has sent for you. If you just take the time to love you forgive you and allow God to mold you into who you were always meant to be. God will give you someone who will weather any storm with you. After all God made Eve from Adams rib! That unconditional love you have inside of you that thought of what love is to you is real it does exist! You hurt so bad because you love unconditionally and that is perfectly fine as long as it's with the right one! The bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing. Let him find you and yes it takes time anything worth it should be waited on. You will have moments of sadness you will break down and cry after all any break up that you never anticipated is like a death you mourn it. Just say this "Lord I need you every day every hour I can not do this by myself." He will see you through just trust him.