Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

You have no idea what I've been through to meet you or how many people "pretended" to be you. You know those people who you meet and you both agree neither of you want to be hurt again only to turn around and they hurt you even worse. You couldn't imagine what's its like to plan a family with someone and proudly use their last name only to be slapped with the reality that you have no idea whose name you're carrying. Future Husband you have no idea how the pretenders promised me that it was ME that I was the one for them--their future.
That I was ALL they needed, only to find out that was a lie too.  I was so protective of them! You wouldn't believe it I even swerved in front of the police one night so I could be pulled over because they had drank too much that night. 
You have no idea how embarrassed I felt to be left for women who couldn't hold a candle to my spirit or what I had to offer. You have no idea how they always came back with empty promises, which I believed. You couldn't imagine how much of my life I wasted trying to fix relationships with stubborn people who wear shame in my presence now. I would have done anything to help them fix us. I did everything I was suppose to, I called everything "Ours" when I just should have said "My"! I was supportive and placed them on a pedestal they never deserved.
Did I tell you I was observant? When things changed I ASKED questions and of course, I was told "I was tripping...that they were going through something and we were just fine." I felt it in my soul something was wrong, but I believed their words instead of their actions. Later I learned the truth. 
You have no idea how hard it was to forgive people who hurt me so badly. The same people who have the nerve to be mad at me because of what they did to us...who promised me that we would always be and who used the fact that I loved them against me. Future Husband I could go on about the past, but I won't because I know it all prepared me for you. Someone who knows what It feels like to be me.

~Kai