Living Vs. Dying: Reflection

The end of the year is approaching fast. It's October already and then this is when it all began to happen. The death of my step father and little brother from my first relationship. Then another individual who touched my heart after the passing of my grandfather. We hear it often that life is short, but its more than that. Life is hard and confusing. Who is it safe to love? Who is it safe to trust? Losing those people changed me it made me realize I didn't want to die next. Seeing them leave me remembering the hurt it gave me the motivation to fight myself what I dealing with health wise and to also deal with my heart. I needed my life back. Who I was back and a better version of me.  I wanted to be able to breathe again. My heart was tired of feeling like a knife was constantly being twisted in it. I finally said I couldn't hold on anymore to the hope that I had in my heart. I finally let go of the promises. Three people died before the end of the year and I just snapped. There It was! Reality in my face! I pressed pause on my life waiting. Waiting for us to be together again. I figured why would I date anyone else talk to anyone else. The thought of it literally made me sick. Attending two funeral will have that effect on you. It makes you look at your life. You reevaluate everyone and everything because it could all be gone tomorrow. I no longer wanted people in my life who showed that me being apart of their life wasn't as important to them as it was to me. I didn't want to cry anymore over someone who was okay with leaving our situation the way it was. Now I can look back on last year and just thank God for this year. I am truly blessed and alive. My heart is still big and I am learning daily to be the best version of myself now. I'm still trusting God.

Kai